My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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