Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
