My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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