Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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