Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
