can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Randomize
