I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
In other news, I just burned my penis
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
