Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
