Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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