its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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