Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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