I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
