it was like his penis was on wheels.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
