Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
This is classic penis vs brain.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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