I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Randomize
