How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
