But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
