I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I intend to get homeless drunk
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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