I CAN MOONWALK!
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
