I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Randomize
