I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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