My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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