She is in my trunk
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
