she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
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