Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
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Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
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It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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