so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
