god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
