peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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