he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
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