We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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