don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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