I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
