At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
