im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
She just used a chaser for red wine.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Randomize
