i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
