I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
