Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
