reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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