the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
