The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Randomize
