What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
