How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
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