Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
