ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
