I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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