k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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