So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
