I should be sponsored by Trojan
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
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