Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
