she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Too much gin, very little bucket
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
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Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
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