it was like his penis was on wheels.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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