Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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