the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
