So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
