There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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