We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
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