There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
We are all done wearing pants today
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
