Porn is love you can see.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
