Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
