the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
