It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
