I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
