I'm lost and stupid without you.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
