she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
