forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
