Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
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The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
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I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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