why im i the only drunk person in the library?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Success! We fucked roommates!
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
