I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
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